i've started to trust what i can feel in my bones.

i felt violated when i discovered my text messages were being read while i was busting my ass steaming milk and carrying out orders - being the coffee bitch, if you will. i felt especially smothered when i learned that my online accounts might have been hacked into, and even more so when i was quite violently approached and turned into a piece of property.

i quit.

& i won't miss it. not even a little. i'm too afraid to ever go back. i won't even go to collect the last of my tip money.



& at the same time, i'm trusting something new that i can feel in my bones. for the first time in my life, i'm experiencing the most vivid and real relationship i've ever had. there is nothing more freeing than sitting beneath the moonlight on a clear night, sharing the night air, listening to the frogs and the crickets and the world breathing around you. there is nothing more raw and real than the simple gesture of a hand you trust helping you stand and walking you through the dark to something Real, guiding you without question or a price to pay, or expectation or judgment. there is nothing better than laughing because you both can't sleep in, so you go out to breakfast at 7 AM on a saturday before the rest of the world wakes up for the best cup of coffee and the best spinach and eggs, and the simplest conversation.

i haven't had butterflies since the tenth grade. this is where i've been for the past month.

i promise to start writing poetry again. i can feel something that was buried deep within my bones starting to surface.

[it's funny how everything always happens all at once. we (or i) have these long stretches of time where literally nothing exciting occurs. i spent an entire year pouring coffee and sweeping dirty floors, doing everything in my power to change my routine, make it interesting, and not Lose Hope.

& then everything reaches this climax. i'm suddenly being frighteningly stalked; i'm suddenly landing job interviews left and right (& securing my first Real job); i'm suddenly meeting a set of parents and wondering if it's okay for me to be feeling what i'm feeling; i'm quitting jobs; i'm moving to boston; i'm not sure if i can call myself single anymore. i'm in transition in literally every aspect of my life. & wow].





my hopes are so high.