repetition blend, with a shot of Tip advice.

the days blend together.

i work so much that lately, i've started to dream about being at the cafe. i woke up the other night sitting perfectly upright, overturning my covers looking for a woman's salad she'd ordered.

my clock will read 3 a.m. & i'll quickly figure out how many hours i have left to sleep before i have to really be worrying about To Go salads and large iced teas.

i wake up an hour or two later, usually. same ordeal. stress. sometimes, i dream that i am driving to work, and in the distance, a large truck is swerving into my lane. or sometimes, i am driving and look up in time to see the bumper of the car in front of me just 5 feet away, and my car is going 60. i always wake up on impact.

regular customers are in my dreams now, too. anne - the salad & large iced tea lady. she's very nice, and i believe she works next door (many of the customers work Next Door, though I have yet to know what Next Door actually is. I like to imagine they are all architects - they strike me as designers). today, we were out of the salad she normally orders. i felt badly.

lately, i've noticed that people like to order large & extra complicated hot drinks, take two or three sips, & then leave. i don't know if it's pure luxury for them, but i think it's very wasteful, and my arm muscle doesn't enjoy cranking out 8 large soy lattes with shots of chocolate, coconut, and vanilla, half-caff, for just a taste. DRINK UP, PLEASE. or just order a small.

& yet - i know that i was a part of their day. i provided that source of comfort - that sweet little taste, even if it was indirectly. & because of my great perky smiling skills that i have mastered down to a science, i usually can crank a dollar or two out of them.

the science of Getting Tips:

1. the faster you can tell a customer their total, the more chance of a better tip. everyone in america is programmed for instant information & gratification, so tell them their total ASAP. while they are counting out their money, take action. grab that chocolate chip cookie, begin that soy latte. they will look up to see their muffin practically jumping off their plate into their mouths, & they will be thrilled.
2. enunciate. each. word. calmly. no matter what the circumstances.
3. smile. pretend you are delighted to see them and make them believe they are the center of your entire universe, and that you would walk into oncoming traffic for them if it meant obtaining their coffee.
4. small talk. (for me, small talk is actually a result of pure curiosity. because all i ever do is work, and all the people i am ever exposed to aside from my family are customers, i am genuinely trying to get to know someone a bit more. however, this can also be easily faked through smiling, laughing at things that aren't that funny, & noticing your surroundings).

& now, the science of Getting Tips from Men: (p.s., i am sorry, men).

1. smile too much. way too much.
2. laugh at their joke ("joke" - i honestly never know if it's a joke or just a strange commentary. laugh at the method of introduction/moment of interaction) no matter how overly ridiculous, confusing & nonsensical it probably is. (today, i had a man walk up to me and do a three snap with the head side-to-side, "oh no you di-in't" sort of ordeal. he then confessed he had no idea where that came from. i certainly couldn't have told him either. laughing was pretty easy in this case.
3. wear good jeans. & a good shirt if possible. when we got new shirts in august, our tips increased by at least $15 per day. some of us at the cafe believe it's because of our lovely new counters, but M. & I secretly know better.

okay, just kidding, sort of. i am terrible.

but these days - they blend together so much that i get various events from various days mixed up into one. a woman who's sandwich was missing the tomatoes, where is that? oh wait, that was from 2 days ago. sorry sir, we're out of the chicken salad. wait no, that was yesterday. the decaf coffee needs to be ground up for tomorrow - oh wait, that thought was from last week. it's tuesday, not monday, and the broom is missing and the dish room was full to the brim five minutes ago.

dirty dishes. coffee grounds on the trash rims. coffee grounds on my jeans, over & over again. coffee grounds scraping my skin, scraping my dreams, caught deep beneath my fingernails, again & again.

these are my days.